Really tired....

So, today is January 19. Tomorrow is not only Inauguration day, but my littlest brother's birthday. While I say he's the "littlest", in reality, he is over six feet tall - so really the biggest person in the family :).

Someone reminded me a few months ago that fear is not a fruit of the spirit. I wholeheartedly agree, but I have to admit that I'm scared for what our life will become in the next few months. The govenor is proposing a pay cut for teachers and rumors abound at my office of furlough days - one day per month. This would equate to a 11% pay cut between the two of us. While that is scary, the scarier part is that one or both of us may get laid off due to the continued recession. There is just no money and people are not traveling here. As a city that relies on tourism to survive, when there are no tourists, things get bad really fast.

Of course, add that to the problems I've had at work and I've been taking low dose valium to help myself get to sleep at night. My anxiety level is at an all time high and I can't seem to get control of it. Losing 11% of our pay is going to be hard, but we can scale back our expenses and make it through. A job loss, however, by one or both of us and we'd be facing some serious issues.

On the plus side, the baby's court issues continue to proceed without incidents. We wait only for 3/2 before the termination of parental rights can be acted on and then he is essentially hours (all but for the paperwork). We're hoping that the adoption can be completed soon and therefore allow us to move freely wherever we need to go - back to UT or ME if necessary. We won't consider leaving until the adoption is final as I won't leave my son behind no matter what.

Ethan is growing like a weed and speaks like a 40 year old. He's a joy and he makes us laugh every day.

Got to run for now

Almost forgot!!!!

OK, looking at my last post titled "already 1/10" I realized with a start that it is really 1/11. Anyhow - I guess I'm just a day behind!

I forgot to mention the very good news we got this week. We had questionable parentage on Lucas. Shortly after his birthday, we got the news that a man had come forward and stated that he might be the dad so he wanted a DNA test. We did the test in early December and found out this week that he is NOT the father. I can only think of the Maury Povich show in this instance as I can really picture him with the envelope yelling the final results to the clients on stage.

Basically, that this guy is not the father clears the path for us to adopt Lucas. If he had been the father, they would have had to give him a caseplan to work, wait for him to fail or succeed and the plan accordingly. With him out of the picture, it looks like the court hearing on 3/2 will free the baby up for us to begin adoption proceedings. His adoption should be complete by the end of the year.

So I guess there is still good news in the world that far outweighs the bad.

Already 1/10

Wow. The first 1o days of January are gone. So far, the year is going OK. There is some concern that I will have a pay cut and now, there is indication that DH may have one too, but the reality is that we still have jobs and that is a good thing. We can cut back on expenses for a while - it would probably be good for us to do so. I've been trying to spend less this month, with some luck. Planning meals seems to be the best thing for a savings plan for us. I guess I didn't realize how often in a month I was doing what we affectionately call "a drive by" into Del Taco or McDonalds. We realized that DS was often saying that he wanted to go to McDonalds so obviously, we were going too often. I've actually cooked most days this month and we're doing really well taking our lunch to work. Lunches alone will probably save over $200 per month as I have a tendancy to frequent the lunch counter just down the hall.

We should know in the next 60 days or so what is really going to happen. The economy is scary and I'm trying to remember that there is absolutely nothing I can do about it so there is little benefit in worrying about it. My fear is the same that everyone else is having I'm sure, but little is in anyone's control. I guess I just have to pray to let go.

We went back to church last week, but didn't make it this week. We were exhausted this week and DS was being completely difficult. So, we try again next week.

Happy New Year!!!!!!

So, 2009 is here. Many people are just happy to see 2008 go away. I have to wonder what will be in 2009. One article I read yesterday predicted a 2009 that will be worse than 2008. I hope it is just one person's opinion and not what is really to come. The possibility of losing my job or DH losing his is scary. We are hoping for the best and trying to prepare for the worst.

New Year's Resolutions....I guess I have New Year's Goals instead. Resolutions sounds so strange. I am going to try to stop snacking so much, especially after dinner; read some good books this year that will improve my knowledge (in other words, not fluffy books) base and to use my planner more so that I don't forget things.

Work in December was difficult. I'm glad to have the month behind me. Made a GIANT mistake and now have to re-gain some trust that I've lost. My own damn fault too, but I have to move on and learn from my mistakes.

Our new year's eve was the best I've ever had. Since we don't drink, we don't usually go to parties on the annual event. However, DH usually is out playing at some gig. Last night, he played until 9 p.m. when the venue had a mini-event with balloons dropping, sparkling cider and noisemakers. we had a blast dancing for hours (with the boys) and enjoying the band and the activities. We got home at 10 p.m. and missed most of the crazy drivers on the road. I was asleep by 11:30 and since we were out so late, the boys slept until 7:30! DD also had a friend go with her and she enjoyed herself too.

So, here's to 2009, a new business venture and a great 2009.

Love to all.

L.