Muddling through....

So, I posted last on March 7th. It's now May 18th. So much for diligently keeping up with my posts. Oh well, this is really for me and some of my close friends anyway and they love me the way I am, faults and all!

When we last left off, we had just gone to court for Lucas and his TPR. No appeal was brought forward by the parents, so we are clear to adopt him. We got the paperwork in the mail a couple of weeks ago and will begin gathering all the necessary papers this week - I'm going to make it a priority.

Mike and I approach our 12th anniversary next weekend. It's hard to believe that we've been married that long. Seems like just yesterday I was waiting at the door to my apartment for Ed to come escort me to my wedding ceremony. I remember looking at Mike and just knowing that I was doing the right thing and that we would be very happy together. I look back now and realize that it must have been more difficult for him to adjust than me. Infertility treatments became such a focus of my life that I forgot to live in the moment, rather than waiting for the what ifs. I feel like I wasted so much time and so much emotion on something that, in the long run didn't really matter after all. I could not love my boys more if I HAD given birth to them. They are part of my soul and fill the hole that I felt for so long.

The boys amaze me every day. I love looking at them and realizing that they are mine and are here to stay. Their eyes express their love for us and they are happy. People constantly tell me that the boys are blessed that we chose to have them in our lives, but really, WE are the lucky ones. They have given us blessings beyone anything we could ever have anticipated when we started this process. Even those days that are challenging, I can look back on and love.

We took Ethan to see Monters vs. Aliens in 3-D yesterday. It was his very first movie experience. He was excellent, although, he was not super interested in keeping his 3-D glasses on. I on the other hand, decided in a weak moment, to order nachos as a snack. When will I ever learn that I just can't eat that stuff anymore. I was fortunate that the theater was empty (it was an early show) and I could stretch out over a few seats and effectivly lay down. When I did, Ethan came over and asked to snuggle with me. So, for at least 15 minutes, I got to hold my angel in my arms and enjoy his first movie with him.

I always felt lucky to be Lauryn's mother. I never had any moments of remorse for being a young mother. I do however, remember wanting to be more stable and less concerned about what the future would hold. Now, I feel like I'm the perfect age to parent (even though I frequently get called "grandma" by strangers). I love my life and the way it has turned out. I love my job and my friends and finally feel like the family is unified in a way that we never have been before. Both brothers are married, Mom is engaged and we are all happy. What more could I wish for?

I am truly a blessed woman.